My friend, Shelley Lundquist, wrote a beautiful perspective on blame vs. compassion:
“When we blame, it's always about us not the other person. When we see flaws in others as opposed to understanding that they are doing the best they can with what they have, we are judging them. When we judge, we leave little room for love and compassion. These are our limitations, not theirs.”
"The fault is in the blamer - Spirit sees nothing to criticize." ~ Rumi ♥♥
She added, “Judgment creates walls. Love tears them down.
When we learn to look through eyes of Love, all we see is a person's magnificence transforming itself anew every single day.”
Staying poised in myself is the most difficult part. After all, it’s easy enough to look at people with love when I’m feeling centered and calm. I can withhold blame. I am able to look outside myself and see that maybe they are tired, or scared. It is not an excuse to shout and scream, but it makes me see they are simply human.
When I'm off balance, it’s much easier to be reactive and upset than calm and compassionate. Especially when it concerns the people to whom I feel closest, it can be very difficult to suspend judgment.
This is the area of life that I'm working to apply Alexander Technique to myself.
Alexander Technique is a way of connecting mind – literally, your thoughts – and your body – so that everything works in harmony. When you’re tense, your muscles tighten. When your muscles are tight, your mind gets tight. Emotions can be tense, too.